Baby Slash, I’m freaking out inside because I think that very soon you’ll have a name and gender other than “Slash!”  The wait times for a referral have stayed the same this month, which means that we might know who you are any time between now and my birthday.  What an incredible birthday present you’d make, sweet baby.  And I’ve been referring to you as “he” and “him” more and more, so if you’re a girl, oh Slash, kiddo, Mommy is in for a gigantic surprise.  So, it’s all becoming real, my thoughts of you are shifting from general baby daydreams to specific musings about your health, your personality, your looks.  Are you sick?  I mean, anything from really sick to I wish I could clear up that ringworm for you right now.  Are you laid back or totally hyper?  Are you a wiggler or do you kinda just chill and stare out a window, lost in baby thoughts?  Do you sleep a lot or do you fight the glorious naptime?  Are you going to love me instantly, or are you going to break my heart for awhile until I’m allowed to cuddle you?  I have never seen an Ethiopian who wasn’t GORGEOUS, so I know you’ll be beautiful, but how so?  What do all your beautiful features look like together?  Who are you?!?!  My tummy does flip flops when I think about how close I might be to finding out.  I’ve always loved mysteries, and here’s the biggest mystery of all.  Who is my child?!?!  I’m going to jump every time the phone rings until I get THE call, the life-changer.  Whoosh.  Daddy’s going out tomorrow to buy a tripod so we can video ourselves when we see your face for the first time.  You know, since you don’t get to see our faces at the same time that we see yours, we want you to be able to see what we looked like.  I’m an ugly crier, so prepare yourself, Slash, it won’t be pretty.

Hey, so I wish I could prepare you for this, but I can’t, so God, please prepare Slash’s little baby heart!  We are going to get to meet you, but then we’re going to have to leave you.  BUT WE’LL BE BACK!!!  Please don’t hate us for this.  Please, please, please forgive us for leaving you.  It’s all an important part of the process of becoming your family forever.  There IS a forever at the end of all this waiting and meeting and leaving.  The ugly-crying white lady and the white dude with the scruffy beard WILL come back for you.  You can count on it, little one.

Today on Tom Davis’ blog he posted a story called “How a Three-Year-Old Turns Into a Sex Slave – True Story.”  I read it after I had just tucked my own sweet three-year-old into bed for a nap, his precious blond curls splayed out across his pillow as he snuggled into his cozy soft bed, the ceiling fan blowing lazily above his head.  Contrast that scene with the story of Michael Angelo, a three-year-old boy in the Philippines, sold into sexual slavery.  Read Tom’s blog for the whole story.  Don’t be afraid.  There’s pain, there’s hope.  It’s a chance to cry some tears with God.

I’m trying to nest.  It’s really hard to do without a little hormonal help.  I’ve never experienced the whole nesting thing.  The good doctors of Alexandria, Virginia, had to rescue Elliott from my maniacal body before I got close to the nesting stage, and now, this adoption doesn’t come with a bottle of nesting juice to help me get ready.  And unfortunately, getting organized and making things neat is not in my nature even a little bit.  So every day I feel this pressure to nest.  We could get a referral call within the next few months.  I really should nest.  Move some stuff around, get a crib, weed through the odd assortment of baby and big boy accoutrement which has become a jumbled mess in the closet.  I know that getting the baby’s room ready will help me feel like this is real, that I didn’t just knock out three solid months of paperwork for nothing. 

So…nesting…maybe I’ll just sit here and write about it some more to avoid actually doing it….  Do they make a nesting pill for adoptive mothers?  Blech.  I love planning, but I’m not so into the reorganizing cabinets.  I love my label maker.  Maybe if someone could organize everything for me and I’ll just label it all when she’s done….

This week Brandi let me write the iFast58 email.  I thought I’d post it here, because it’s what I have to say right now and I can’t think of anything else!
Lately, I have let God have it—my frustration, my impatience, the general ARGHocity of my inner grump.  I’ve yelled like Habakkuk, crying out:
“How long, O LORD, must I call for help,
       but you do not listen?
       Or cry out to you, “Violence!”
       but you do not save?
 Why do you make me look at injustice?
       Why do you tolerate wrong?
       Destruction and violence are before me;
       there is strife, and conflict abounds.
 Therefore the law is paralyzed,
       and justice never prevails.
       The wicked hem in the righteous,
       so that justice is perverted.”

I’ve lost my inner woo-hoo and found myself swept away by the dismal undertow of despair.  I’ve criticized God for not rescuing more, for not stepping up like I know He can.  Too much corruption, too much pain and suffering, too many deaths and sunken, hopeless eyes.  My faith is still solid, but eek, my patience is wearing thin.

And as I’ve sat exhausted, after pounding God’s chest with my little fists and looking defiantly up at Him through tear-scorched eyes, I’ve found the comfort of a Father who’s grieving with me, who hates it more than I do.  And I’ve felt something return to me as I’ve flopped down in surrender.

Hope.

Hope in who I know God is.  Hope in His character.  Hope in His plan.  Hope in His promises.  And this week I’m looking through fresh, smile-crinkled eyes at the work that He’s doing around me.  I see it.  I see Him. 

Maybe some of you have felt overburdened lately.  Maybe you’ve struggled like I have to see God amidst all the suffering.  This week, I’m challenging us to celebrate.  To choose to celebrate what God has done and what God is doing and what God will do.  Our God has not forgotten those who we serve.  He is mighty to save.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” Romans 15:13.

Today, I want us to overflow with hope in the Lord.  To remember the “broken walls” that He has repaired and the “streets with dwellings” that He has restored.  Today, let’s celebrate all the answers.  Our God is faithful, and He is just, and He is worthy of our praise.

Some ideas for celebrating the Lord today:
-Set a stopwatch for 60 seconds and start scribbling down every answer to prayer that you’ve seen in your ministry this year. 
-Put on worship music and dance, sing, or doodle in praise of God’s faithfulness. 
-Look through pictures of a trip or an experience when you saw God move in a big way.
-Write down the names of the people who you saw God save, heal, change, grow, or rescue.  Praise Him for each name, each life.
-Scour the Bible for your favorite verses extolling God’s faithfulness and the hope that He has to offer.
-Join us for the iFast call and celebrate Him together!

Join us tomorrow morning first thing for a time of corporate prayer. I promise, you’ll be blessed!
Wednesdays 9:30 AM (eastern) at CALL IN # : 760- 569- 9000 ID: 968101   We are also adding a NEW CALL!!!  This one will be at 1:30 (eastern) and will focus on prayer for those who are being trafficked into the sex trade.  Join us!

Mmm, I’m really struggling with the “whys” today.  Why did the last rescue mission in India fail because the police, yet again, refused to do anything?  Why do organizations defending the poor, the fatherless, the victims of this world struggle for money?  Why are there so many hurting kids in the world?  Why isn’t God answering more prayers?  I’m not praying for a comfy life, for cushy extras.  I’m praying for rescue for the “least of these.”  Why isn’t God doing more rescuing?

I don’t know.  I don’t understand.  HOWEVER.  I still trust Him.  My faith is not shaken.  Because I know Him.  I know His heart for these kids, because I read it in His word.  I feel it when I’m serving them.  I know He loves them more than I do and I’ve seen Him rescue.  But I don’t know why He’s not rescuing more.  I’m a greedy little pray-er, begging for rescue after rescue.  It’s never enough.  And so then I cry out to Him to just come back.  Jesus, just come back!  The world needs a do-over. 

I’m so grateful to serve a God who can handle my discontent.  And ohhhh, how I am so discontented right now with the pain in the world.  I’ve had some harsh words for God these past few weeks.  I’m so glad that He can handle it.  He can absorb my anger and frustration.  He’s strong enough to let me beat my fists against His mighty chest over and over, flailing and kicking and sobbing in anger.  Why, God?  Why, why, why?!?!  I can’t see it.  I can’t see Your plan.  Are these kids collateral damage in Your cosmic battle?  And I can screech at Him with all my human ferocity and know that He’s God.  He can handle it.  He can handle how pissed off I am.  In fact, I think He put a bunch of pleading, griping, and bullying in His word to show us how to let Him have it.  So today, I’m giving Him everything I have, all my crap, screaming at Him, punching at Him, but running TO Him.  Because if I can’t take all this angst to God, who can I take it to?

Psalm 77
For the director of music. For Jeduthun. Of Asaph. A psalm.
 1 I cried out to God for help;
       I cried out to God to hear me.

 2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
       at night I stretched out untiring hands
       and my soul refused to be comforted.

 3 I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;
       I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
       Selah

 4 You kept my eyes from closing;
       I was too troubled to speak.

 5 I thought about the former days,
       the years of long ago;

 6 I remembered my songs in the night.
       My heart mused and my spirit inquired:

 7 “Will the Lord reject forever?
       Will he never show his favor again?

 8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
       Has his promise failed for all time?

 9 Has God forgotten to be merciful?
       Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”
       Selah

 10 Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
       the years of the right hand of the Most High.”

 11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
       yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.

 12 I will meditate on all your works
       and consider all your mighty deeds.

 13 Your ways, O God, are holy.
       What god is so great as our God?

 14 You are the God who performs miracles;
       you display your power among the peoples.

 15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
       the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
       Selah

 16 The waters saw you, O God,
       the waters saw you and writhed;
       the very depths were convulsed.

 17 The clouds poured down water,
       the skies resounded with thunder;
       your arrows flashed back and forth.

 18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
       your lightning lit up the world;
       the earth trembled and quaked.

 19 Your path led through the sea,
       your way through the mighty waters,
       though your footprints were not seen.

 20 You led your people like a flock
       by the hand of Moses and Aaron.